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Joke Thread


Eq4bits

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Okay I’ll start. A neighbor sent this to me via text message today:

Thinking back a few years, while living in Florida, I remember Hurricane Andrew. I was ready for it, but my next door neighbor’s wife was not. When the wind reached a screaming freight-train pitch with the trees thrashing and snapping, the horizontal streaming rain, the flying roof shingles and tiles, the destroyed fences, my neighbor’s wife was rooted to the one same spot.  She stared and stared through the glass of the window. Immovable, with her nose pressed to the window. My neighbor said the stark fear in her eyes will stay with him forever.

Fortunately, as the eye of the storm arrived and the winds temporarily lessened, he was able to grab a beer, open the door and let her in."

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  • 1 month later...
ARROGANCE OF OLD AGE....

 

 

Yesterday morning I bought two six packs of beer on sale at the Liquor Store.

I placed them on the front seat of the car and headed back home.

 

I stopped at the service station where a drop-dead gorgeous,

almost blonde was filling up her car at the next pump.

 

It was very warm and she was wearing tight shorts and a light top which was wide open.

She glanced at the beer, bent over and knocked on my passenger window.

 

With her bra-less breasts almost falling out of her skimpy top she said, in a sexy voice,

I'm a big believer in barter, old fellow,

would you be interested in trading sex for beer?"

 

I thought for a few seconds and asked,

"What kind of beer you got?"

 

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  • 6 months later...
  • 2 weeks later...

Boudreaux and Marie had been married for several years, and, like alot of couples, had some rough times. They decided to go to a marriage counselor to try and work things out. When they arrived, the counselor jumped right in. "What seems to be the problem ?" he asked. Immediately, Marie started to relate all the bad habits Boudreaux has, what a bum he is, and everything else that was wrong with him. Poor Boudreaux couldn't get a word in. After a few minutes of listening to Marie's ranting, the counselor stood up, walked over to Marie, picked her up and kissed her passionately, then sat her back down. Marie just sat there, speechless, with a satisfied look on her face. Boudreaux just looked at her with disbelief on his face. The counselor tells Boudreaux, "That's the problem. Your wife NEEDS to have that at least twice a week. Boudreaux tells him, "Mais, OK, whatever you tink. I'll have her here every Tuesday and Thursday !"

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  • 9 months later...

A man gets a call from his doctor. He says, “ we have the results from your tests and I have bad news and worse news”. The man asks what is the bad news. The doc replies” you only have 24 hours to live”. The man replies in shock, “ OMG, what news could possibly be worse than that?”. The doctor replies, “ I forgot to call you yesterday and tell you “.

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